Valentines Wishes

February 14, 2015

Dear Raymond,

Happy Valentine’s Day! I don’t know if you’re celebrating with someone special or what your day is like today. But it is my sincerest hope that it is filled with love & drippingly glorious romance. It is my wish that the universe reminds you of just how wonderful & special you are. That you’re drop dead sexy, smart & funny. That you’re heart is one of a kind. I hope someone is pouring out their love for you tonight.

I haven’t heard from you recently and so once again you have faded into the background and took up residence in the back of my mind & heart. I admit, I didn’t understand it, why we have so many hellos that only lead to unspoken goodbyes. Perhaps there truly is no goodbye. I’m really not sure. And I have my moments, where I don’t understand and feel frustrated we can’t even have a simple conversation.I’m really trying to let go and be more open to new relationships. Look toward a future with real possibilities instead of yearnings and wishes that render me alone.

images-3And then it hit me the other night. As I was thinking of you and wondering about you & trying to understand our connection it hit me, like a bolt of lightning. Why it is only my communications and never a reply, why you light up when you see me & tell us you’ll stay in touch or want to help, but than fade away once more. It hit me that if you allowed yourself to really feel, It’s easier, to fantasize about what could be, and to keep it friendly, sweet & nice, then to take a step towards something that could ultimately change everything. It dawned on me that keeping your distance is how you go on and are able to do what you need to do.

It got me to thinking that maybe that is why these feelings never go away, because they have not withstood the test of time, nor been tested in a real relationship. It’s a romantic connection, that requires no risk on either of our parts, and can cause a sublime vibration that warms to the very core. It is love and is not love, all at the same time. It is attraction, our souls recognizing one another yet never allowed the chance to mature. Whatever the real truth is, however you feel about me, I’m okay. If I never see you again, I will still feel fortunate to have this guilty pleasure in my life.

It’s easy to love someone with no risk involved or vulnerabilities. But I don’t recommend unrequited love or crushes to anyone. You were my first love and serendipity brought us together twice. I’m not foolish enough to believe in a third time. In fact, what good would a third time be unless it truly served us both. I wish you a very Happy Valentine’s Day and always remember when you’re going through something difficult, that little old me, has reserved a part of my heart just for you. I send these thoughts into the universe, hoping the substance reaches you somehow.

Best, Best, Best Wishes