October 10, 2012

My Dearest Raymond,

I’ve been thinking about this for a few days now. I’m considering taking the plunge and letting this all come out in the open. There are different character voices in my head giving me some very well rounded advice. “You don’t want to lose such a valuable friendship’ and “The best way to find love is to give it” and “Just blow this thing out of the water so you can finally move on” Yeah, it’s some pretty nutty stuff.

What precipitated this latest move? Family photos in your office. And I realized that this is ultimately more about me than it is about you. We’re talking about something that in all probability and reality will never ever happen. In that scenario it just plain foolish for me to spend years of my life pining on you from afar. I thought I could be super human or a herione out of an epic love story. But I’m not. I’m only me. This isn’t the movies.

I wrote a character sketch for one of my classes & the assignment was that the character had to have a secret. I could only think of you to create this character. And I was your treasured secret. I’m not going to express my feelings until I’ve fully analyzed this thing to death. But I feel like it is time I faced it head on. And let the universe know, that I yearn to love and be loved. No matter what happens.