September 5, 2012

Dear Raymond,

It seems I am in complete & total limbo right now. There are far too many questions than answers. And much to ponder about. The one thing that never changes is how I feel about you. I read somewhere that a crush only lasts around 4 mos, after that you’re definitely in love. Not sure whether that was good or bad news for me.

The truth is, it doesn’t really matter one way or the other how I feel about you, it makes no difference. The idea that we could take our relationship to another level is out of the question. So I’m beginning to feel plagued, rather than inspired. I’m starting to wonder how long can I place my hope in what seems to be a complete & utter fantasy.

The fact that we can’t even have an open conversation about this is troubling. Maybe it’s better for our friendship not to have a conversation. People write literature and make movies about love. It’s the stuff most women live for. Some say there is no ‘one’. Others believe in soul mates. All I know is that I don’t quite know. And it’s better I hide from you for the time being.

I miss our visits, I miss your spark & enthusiasm, I miss your eyes. What an awful place to be right now. Dull aches and longings, wonderings & wasted passion. I heard this song on the radio the other day & thought of you. I hope everything is going well in your world.