Prevail

August 24, 2011

Dear Raymond,

I’ve been wearing a smile. Recently you remarked, “it’s all about seeing you smile” I wish you knew that you’ve truly suceeded in this venture of yours. But I didnt get the chance to tell you the exact differences between a real and genuine smile, as opposed to the fake smile that was painted on my face through out my life.

Ever since I was a little girl, people would tell me that I had a beautiful smile. It was was my greatest attribute. But my smile covered up my pain, it kept my inner most self a secret. Hell, I could smile even when faced with the worst. It was a part of my mask and over time, I began to hate my smile when people complimented me because it didnt mean I was happy, it meant ultimate sadness.

A real smile is only ever genuine when I feel safe and relaxed. When no one is looking that is when I feel truly happy. Some times I feel so wonderful, I will smile and laugh through out an entire day. There are so many wonderful things to smile about. Just like tears, smiles come straight from your soul. And yesterday you managed to bring on my smile once more.

I brought you a gift as my way of telling you that I think about you when I’m busy and doing other things. I’m still chuckling because your eyes popped out of your head when you thought I said I was getting married. Ha ha. You really looked stunned. Your really rather good at hiding your self, but every once and awhile you let it slip.

You opened up a little and let me into your world. You might think that I don’t want to be touched by you. The truth is, I dread this. Because it’s wrong to enjoy something that is supposed to be forbidden.  Whether we guard our hearts or throw caution to the wind, we cant seem to change something that just IS.

You’ll be in my thoughts, though I try with all my might to curse them away. I cant stop my heart from wanting to connect. Yet an unselfish love prevails. My wish & hope is that you are truly happy.

Love Sage

Advertisements

Beautiful Storm

August 19, 2011

Dear Raymond,

“I found the light in the deepest part of the darkness. You were standing right in front of me the whole time.”  Unknown

It’s funny how seven years went by and I would wonder about you from time to time, but just knowing you were out there in the world was enough for me. I havent seen you in several weeks, and for a time I needed to really focus on my journey and put you out of my mind. Yet in the deepest, smallest and most precious part of my heart, I can always find you there.

I will have to assume that you have been very busy. I’ve never known you to be any different. I’m amazed at how just one human life has the capacity to have an impact, and touch so many other people’s lives. What a whirl wind it must be.

I miss your eyes. I long to hear your voice. I picked up a small gift for you. I hope you will like it. As I was walking down the street this afternoon, thoughts of you crept inside my mind. It was only a few minutes right before a loud and beautiful storm was about to commence.  As the thunder roared and still, no rain fell, you made me laugh and cry all at once.

With Love,

Sage