Cherish

April 30, 2011

Dear Raymond,

Some days I wonder if my  feelings for you are a blessing or a curse. Unrequited love requires a great amount of inner strength and resolve. Knowing plainly the fact that these wonderful feelings may never be returned can be incredibly disheartening.

It’s amazing how I still get butterflies when I know I’ll see you. How I still smile when I hear your voice. And how you still take my breath away when you walk in. Sometimes I  just look in your eyes and well…

I’ve been doing quite a lot of reading recently. I’m reading Charlotte Bronte’s Villette which could account for my wanderlust as of late. I could strangely relate to this 18th century heroine. Alone in life and in a new country, longing for  the admiration of a brilliant doctor, whom she’s known for years, only to listen to him carry on about another woman.  Bronte knows unrequited love well.

I simultaneously love and hate the friendship we share. Some days I pray earnestly about it and other days I scold myself for making a selfish prayer. I’ve never had a feeling this big for anyone.  Oh the roller coaster of my heart. The high’s are elation and sublimeness,the lows are disappointment and melancholy. I can’t seem to change my heart’s desires. I’ll hold you in my heart until I can hold you in my arms.

Yours,

Sage

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Through Your Eyes

April 16, 2011

Dear Raymond,

I’m sorry I haven’t written in so long. It has nothing to do with my devotion or feelings for you, I’ve just been trying to get on with things and not spend all of my time gushing over you. In the light of day my feelings almost seem foolish. In the real world I needed to remind myself that you and I could never be. I’ve done this off and on for years, pushing you to the very back of my mind and getting on with it.

But you have to know, no one and nothing has ever come close to what I feel when I’m with you.

I saw you yesterday and I found it hard to stay focused on the business at hand. If I had it my way, I would begin with a warm embrace and rest my head on your shoulder for awhile. You were a great help to me as always. My heart melted. As I walked away you said, “It’s nice to see you Sage.” And I goofily replied, “It’s always nice to see you.” Then we grinned at each other. My daughter said my face was beaming ear to ear.

Sometimes I catch you gazing at me and I wish I could see myself through your eyes and you could see yourself through mine. What a wonderful world it would be, indeed. Til next time.

Yours,

Sage